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The Beginning

August 27, 2011

I am sure that some day, the fact that I have written this bio will result in my son spending inordinate amounts of time, and my money, on a psychiatrist’s couch. Fortunately, as soon as he was born I realized that some day he would be lying on a couch telling a doctor how I screwed him up for the rest of his life. Once I realized that I

a. felt liberated; and

b. knew I could tell him he is wrong

We all screw up our kids, sure. We are all well-meaning, we try real hard and, in the end, somehow, something, goes wrong and the result is some brutal shrink bills. Seriously, you don’t believe me, ask my mom.  However, when he gets older, he will also know (assuming I have done my job right) that his happiness and success are in his hands.  I trust I will have given him the tools to allow him to achieve both of these things in whatever way is best for him which may or may not be how I want him to do it.

So, let’s start with the doozy just to mess with my son.  Brutal honesty here folks…I never wanted to be a mom.  I am a mom today because I married a man who wanted kids (now KID) and I agreed to one.  I was a pretty unhappy pregnant woman, that happy glow and feeling of euphoria that some ramble on about missed me by a long-shot even though I was lucky and had zero morning sickness, few cravings and treated myself to an occasional glass of wine.  If that shocks and appalls you, just stop reading now and delete this link from your history as you will not like anything I have to say in the future!  I loved to run and exercise and, at 37, I could still fit into my high school jeans (note, I can again at 41! go ahead, hate me, I don’t care ’cause those dorky 80’s jeans are on my butt!).  In pregnancy, I gained 45lbs and stress fractured my sacrum and suddenly was in an emergency room having a c-section to deliver an 8.8oz baby boy and, it was, the happiest moment of my life. As soon as I heard and saw him, I burst into tears and would not let him out of my sight.  When the doctors had to take him, for routine testing, I ordered my husband to stay with him and not let him out of his site. Prior to his birth I had told my husband that if he ditched me at any point I would castrate him!  I know, it sounds stupid and inane and like all other blithering mom’s.

At this point, you will have to trust that for all the sap this will be an untraditional “mommy blog” by a mommy who adores her son but realizes that the current world of sacrificing everything and living some puritan life in order to shelter our children for forever is not only stupid but it is detrimental to society.  Plus, it pisses me off. I would do anything for my son including love him to pieces, murder, steal, pay for private school tuition and even continue to change his diapers until age four (which is currently looking likely). However, I also have a life, a career, I love wine and drink in front of him.  Hell, he has been to Napa 3 times in less than 3 years and prides himself on being allowed to carry our wine up from the basement storage before dinner.  I do not enforce a sleep schedule and where we go, he goes, from happy hour with work colleagues in Boston to Morton’s in NY to celebrate my half-marathon run.  You name the “modern-day – how to raise a baby rule” and I’ll bet we have broken it.  Yet, somehow he survives just like I did without all of today’s “rules” and thrives and is incredibly well-behaved but has a nice, normal balance of tantrums (he is a pre-schooler after all).

It’s been a strange trip these last few years and, if I can share any advice with like-minded moms who are sick and tired of all the advice and crazy “rules” that we are supposed to abide by than I will consider this blog a success.  I will likely say things that piss off a lot of people and I can live with that, frankly, it probably means I am doing something right.

So, follow if you will, or not….

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